You look tired
I am so tired my eyeballs could fall out of my head. The sheer effort of putting on clothes this morning made me yawn. When I look in the mirror I'm a shadow of the young carefree girl I use to be. My face has aged about 15 years in the past 15 months. I do not need you to confirm that I look like shit.
Have you tried...?
I've tried rocking, singing, hushing, patting, leaving, cuddling, his bed, my bed, his cot, his travel cot, the couch, the floor, the car, the stroller and exhausting him till he falls asleep on the floor. Just when I think I'm onto a winner he goes and changes on me. I've tried it all
My baby sleeps perfectly
Well that is fabulous and good on you for being such a perfect mother when clearly I am not! Hearing about every other baby in the world who sleeps is such a joy...NOT! I'm just trying to survive over here, don't make me feel worse by rubbing your perfect life in my face!
Why aren't you coming out tonight?
I'm not coming out because the only time I get to myself is in the evenings - if that! The drinks and dinner are appealing yet my pyjamas, cup of tea and episodes of how to get away with murder will always win. Especially as I'll spend the rest of the night and the wee hours shushing, rocking, patting and consoling the screaming banshee that is my first born. You have the luxury of falling into your comfy bed and sleeping till mid morning - not at my place! After several wake ups we are starting the day at 630. Ouch.
You didn't answer my call
If I keep my eyes open past 10 o'clock this morning it will be a miracle. Keeping up with phone calls, messages and emails are so low on my priority list it's not funny. I will admit it, since having a baby I'm a terrible friend but thats just the way the tired cookie crumbles.
I hope you aren't using controlled crying
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm surviving my the skin of my teeth and I'm willing to try a range of methods to get my baby to settle. Regardless of my plans, beliefs or parenting I know whats best for MY baby. I'm not doing anything to your baby - of course not! Because he sleeps! This is my child and I can guarantee his safety and wellbeing are at the top of my priority list at all times.
I hope you aren't co sleeping
Again, completely up to me! I for one LOVE co sleeping. It's comforting and gets everyone more sleep. Until of course....he gets too big, thinks its play time and the three of us are sleeping in the H position. Regardless, what I do is my choice. Your opinion is irrelevant at the best of times let alone right now when I'm sleep deprived and can't think of witty comebacks.
Why is he in your room?
Because I love him being close! I find it reassuring to be able to hear his every breathe. Again mind your beeswax as Kath Day Knight would say!
Why isn't he in your room?
Because I love my room to myself now! It's my sanctuary! Honestly, whatever us mum's do people question our actions so the easiest thing in my mind is to either not talk about what I'm doing OR ignore all the silly comments! All I need from anyone is babysitting and coffee.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
I know, we have all heard this. I pose one question to you....What happens when he NEVER SLEEEEEPS?
He will sleep one day
He will also get married, have kids and spend countless nights awake trying to comfort his own babies. We will all probably be taking day trips to the moon by then too. The reality of sleep is so distant it's painful.
I'm so exhausted I only slept 7 hours instead of my usual 9 last night
Facepalm. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I know you are reading this and I hope you got your wonderful 9 hours last night. I'm just here trying to stay awake enough to eat my breakfast but you go on and tell me about how you are so tired. The beauty in having a sister who regularly gets a full nights sleep is that she is perfectly well rested with all the energy in the world for babysitting when all I want to do is sit on the couch, mindlessly checking my facebook and drinking cold tea.