1. Peace and quiet. I would like everyone in my tiny house to speak in hushed tones and one at a time. That includes you too baby Ruby! If you could cry gently to let me know you are ready for a feed then I will float over in a divine state of relaxation and feed you promptly. That is, compared to the usual rushed and frazzled manner I'm usually in when you are squawking!
2. Two hot showers alone twice a day. My $30 organic face wash has turned into bubble entertainment during out nightly dip. I shave my legs with Oli so engrossed in the process and don't even ask about where Ian's toothbrush has been in order to buy an extra 5 minutes washing my hair.
3. Healthy cooked food for every single meal. A chef will do, actually...no! My mum will do because everyone knows mums home cooked meals are the tastiest! Hear that mum?! Santa please deliver a granny flat in my yard for my parents to move into!
4. Wine. No explanation needed.
5. A massage and my nails done every week. This would be sooo good!! But what would make it better would be...if it was in the comfort of my own home and in my pjs. No need to leave the house! Actually instead of saying once a week I'll just say on call, any time I need it! Oh! Don't forget the babysitter! Now that would be heaven.
6. Motivation to fold and put away my washing. How relentless is washing?! Going from one baby to two has certainly increased my washing quota. It's crazy! At least two loads a DAY! You feel some small sense of accomplishment by picking up the clothes from every inch of the house then getting them into the washing machine. Only to then have to get them dried, folded and put away. Gaaahh! I have a big walk in robe but I still find putting my clothes away boring and way too time consuming.
7. Ability to eat endless chocolate - without the consequences. They say you want what you cant have don't they? I didn't even care that much for chocolate before Ruby was born. Now that I'm breastfeeding I've got such a strong desire for it! I love it SO MUCH!! I have to limit myself to only a tiny piece a day because its not worth upsetting Ruby's poor little belly. Eat chocolate = Ruby unsettled = me stressed = need more chocolate! Vicious cycle my friends.
8. A robotic vacuum. I love my dyson vacuum but I don't love dragging it around. I sound so lazy don't I! But christmas is all about miracles so as ridiculous as this sounds I would love a robotic vacuum that just goes round the house by itself. Better yet a cleaner! Then my kitchen and bathroom would get scrubbed too.
9. Everything in my wardrobe to be breastfeeding friendly. This frustrates me SO MUCH! I walked around the shops yesterday looking for a dress to wear for Christmas Day. Do you know what I left with? A pair of sunglasses!! There is literally nothing funky, cool, modern or simply my style that I could effortlessly breastfeed in. Come on santa! For the sake of breastfeeding mum's everywhere. Get the fashion elves to work!
10. Ability to fast forward shit bits of the day. You know that late afternoon, early evening time...the dreaded witching hours. I would certainly use it when Ol wakes up from day sleep in a FOUL mood. When not a single thing pleases him. Not food, water, cuddles, tv, ANYTHING. Yup a fast forward button would be delightful!
11. Nap times in sync. My two have been pretty good, but pretty good ain't great therefore I wish for guaranteed sleeps at the same time forever! (they day sleep forever don't they?!) That would be fantastic.
12. My husband to lactate. I don't care who you are, what you do, how old your babies are. I think we can all agree that if husbands could lactate and breastfeed that would be the ULTIMATE GIFT! Those night feeds when you are utterly exhausted, the early days with sore cracked nipples or when you just really need to make dinner or get away for a night. If dad could just whip out a (hairy!) boob how much easier would life be?!?! Thats it, no more wishes! If this one could come true that would be a REAL christmas miracle!
Merry christmas all you beautiful mamas & women, I hope your partners and kids behave themselves on the big day. Thanks for all your continued love and support. xx